The genesis for my involvement in Subud is directly the fault of one Mr. Sanderson. In the 1970’s he and I and about a hundred other people were engaged in a work group centered on the teachings of Gurdjieff. The leader of this group had been a young student of John Godolfin Bennett in England in the late 50’s early 60’s. She purported to have been a Subud helper although she only opened a handful of people who were instructed not to share this information with anyone else. The latihan was not practiced but at least one person, Rick Russell, was advised to explore Subud. This Gurdjieff group operated for approximately thirty years and in many ways was an intentional community similar to Skymont. It shared a similar fate although many of the details were substantially different. I left after fifteen years in crisis and explored other teachings and practices. In 2011(?), after about thirty years of separation, Sanderson and I met at the wedding of a mutual friend. I queried him about his experience in Subud. He was open and thorough in his responses. He encouraged me to read some of the literature. As a student of Gurdjieff, I was particularly interested in Bennett’s accounts in Concerning Subud and Towards the True Self. Ed Ristad read these books at the same time. Both Ed and I were motivated to be opened and to practice the latihan. Sanderson gave us Muchtar Salesman’s contact information and we met with him for a probationary period. Muchtar was skillful in introducing us to Subud and demonstrated by his demeanor a quality of being I found attractive.
What I appreciate about Subud is its emphasis on the individual’s connection to “Almighty God” although I prefer to characterize this connection as conscience. When I was opened, I did not experience anything detectable but I enjoyed the practice. I found it light-hearted and fun. I found myself looking forward to each latihan. For about six months I was unable to detect anything definitive during latihan. Then I began to have regular, extended experiences of grace during latihan and throughout my day. Although I am not a member of any religious organization, I found myself experiencing the reality of the 23rd Psalm and the Lord’s Prayer during the events of my ordinary daily life. This experience faded after about three months, but its imprint has been lasting and informs my current latihan practice. I am most grateful to Sanderson, Muchtar, Bapak and the thousands of people who have made it possible for me to be opened and to participate in a form of worship that I can intellectually accept. I hope to practice the latihan for the rest of my life.