by Lydia Feltman
Mardiyah A. Tarantino, Subud Pioneer, passed from this life on Friday, July 7, at 10:10 pm surrounded by her husband Rashad, her son Edward, and three of her grandkids (Sidra, Ambrose, and Razel).
The first thing I remember about Mardiyah is her smile. We were in a crowded room for latihan and, as she was walking, she turned her head toward me and smiled. I don’t know if I had formally met her yet as I was new in Subud.
When my husband Robert and I were going together, he used to take me on “dates” to visit Subud families, like the Tarantinos. I had given up using drugs (pot, LSD) the year before, and being with them made me feel “high.” I was so impressed with Mardiyah’s ease with cooking her marvelous meals and taking care of young children. She, like me, had been an only child. I didn’t have any experience with children or being a housewife. Her dedication and joy in this really influenced me to be willing to get married and have kids, despite my fears.
In 1967, I had been in Subud about a year and didn’t feel much or move in the Latihan. Well, it did make me feel good. I was committed to continuing with the Latihan, and my life was changing in many ways. One night during Latihan I had a “convincing” experience (as Bapak would say). It was as though the room was filled with light and a feeling of Bapak (although I had never seen him). Afterwards I saw Mardiyah who had just gotten back from being with Bapak in New York. I hadn’t known she was there, but I knew she brought the feeling with her. I told her about this many years later, but she hadn’t noticed anything different. It was proof to me that the Latihan is passed in ways that we may not know.
Whenever we visited the Tarantinos they usually said “want to do Latihan?” and we did. In this way they took us under their wing as mentors in Subud. They were our Matron of Honor and Best Man at our wedding as well. They also did testing with us when things were difficult.
One time when doing Latihan with Mardiyah in their living room, she started laughing and laughing. I was a little disconcerted. She said afterward that she had just received the answer to a test by Bapak that she hadn’t received at the time. The question was “How do you laugh from the inner?” In her book Bapak – Lost in the Amazon and Other Tales–Adventures with Bapak and Ibu Siti Sumari, Mardiyah describes how she was able to receive laughing from the inner in testing with Bapak, when she was traveling with Bapak and Ibu in South America.
I was happy that Mardiyah, as a regional helper, was the one to test with me about being a helper as we had no helpers at the time in our group. When asked the question, “How is your willingness to be a helper?” I had bowed down. So she asked an extra question, “How is your willingness to be Bapak’s helper?” and I bowed down even lower. She said she asked the extra question because she wondered at first if I was showing a burden, and wanted to make sure it was really a bow. Then she said, “I’m just not that subservient!”
Here is an example of her honesty and humility: One time at a helper’s meeting when I was a candidate helper along with several others, Mardiyah and Lusana Faliks had a disagreement. It was pretty subtle and we all thought it was resolved. Months later after Mardiyah had moved to Hawaii, she wrote to Lusana asking that the letter be shared with all of us. She said that Lusana was right and she wanted us to know. I was impressed with both of them in their ability to be restrained in their disagreement.
Robert and I always enjoyed Mardiyah’s sense of humor, honesty and observations. Here is a quote from her book, Life at the Cafe Berlitz- A Memoir of Paris: — “Anything that came my way, in those days, I welcomed as a stroke of luck. I was incapable of conforming, but I wasn’t a real rebel. I haven’t decided if this attitude – acceptance of fate and working hard to make the best of it – was peculiar to me, or learned during a period in history when children still obeyed their elders because they lacked the imagination not to.”
To me, it’s an astute observation, as I’m on the cusp of the “baby boomers,” and it seemed that those older than me were different than those younger than me. Well, I’ve seen in her life that Mardiyah certainly did “make the best of it.”
Many years ago, after her kids had grown up and left home, Mardiyah told me she wondered if her job here was done and if it was okay to “kick the bucket.” So she tested and asked God if it was time, and received “no,” she still had work to do.
In the last years, whenever I called Mardiyah and asked how she was, she always said something that sounded hopeful, like “learning to walk again.” One time when I said “You sound really good,” she replied, “well you know I’m an actress.”
Some people don’t know that Mardiyah and Rashad had a baby girl, Harlina, their last child, who died in the first few months of life. Mardiyah told me this story about what Ibu Sumari told her when she was traveling with Bapak’s party in South America: Ibu said to her, “Why are you still grieving about your daughter who died? You know that Ibu also had a daughter who died. When Ibu dies, Rochanawati will come to take Ibu to heaven. When you die, Harlina will come to take you to heaven.”
In her book, Bapak-Lost in the Amazon, Mardiyah writes about how Ibu Sumari again mentioned this shortly before Ibu died. Mardiyah ‘s books, including Bapak-Lost in the Amazon are available on Amazon.
Blessings be upon her journey.
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You are invited to use the comment box at the bottom of this page, under “Leave a Reply”, to add your own remembrance of Mardiyah.
So sad to hear of the passing of Mardiyah. I have many happy memories of her and her family starting in the 1970s when I was living in Tjilandak.
Mardiyah was a dynamic force in Subud and a strong influence on many of us ‘younger’ members back in the early sixties. She got us folk dancing on the street in front of her house on Moreland Street in San Francisco and encouraged us in learning Indonesian before the world congress in Cilandak in 1971. She was an enthusiastic supporter of Subud and Bapak and was always positive and helpful. Her humor and wit were boundless, and I will always remember her with warm feelings!
Mardiyah was indeed a bright light in this world. Her eyes literally twinkled with joy like she had the best secret. Her faith and willingness to serve came through in her every communication. I appreciated her intelligence, wit, beauty and thoughtful caring of others. Her legacy of family and Elderberry are ongoing reminders of the love and Grace she received and shared in this world. I will miss her.
Memories of Mardiyah Tarantino, by Lydia Feltman
The first thing I remember about Mardiyah is her smile, The first time I remember seeing her, we were in a crowded room and as she was walking, she turned her head toward me and smiled. I don’t know if I had formally met her yet as I was new in Subud and we had just done Latihan.
When my husband Robert and I were going together, he used to take me on “dates” to visit Subud families, like the Tarantinos. I had given up using drugs (pot, LSD) the year before, and being with them made me feel “high.” I was so impressed with Mardiyah’s ease with cooking her marvelous meals and taking care of young children. She, like I, had been an only child. I didn’t have any experience with children or being a housewife. Her dedication and joy in this really influenced me to be willing to get married and have kids, despite my fears.
In 1967, I had been in Subud about a year and didn’t feel much or move in the Latihan. Well, it did make me feel good. I was committed to continuing with the Latihan, and my life was changing in many ways. One night during Latihan I had a “convincing” experience (as Bapak would say). It was as though the room was filled with light and a feeling of Bapak (although I had never seen him). Afterwards I saw Mardiyah who had just gotten back from being with Bapak in New York. I hadn’t known she was there, but I knew she brought the feeling with her. I told her about this many years later, but she hadn’t noticed anything different. It was proof to me that the Latihan is passed in ways that we may not know.
Whenever we visited the Tarantinos they usually said “want to do Latihan?” and we did. In this way they took us under their wing as mentors in Subud. They were our Matron of Honor and Best Man at our wedding as well. They also did testing with us when things were difficult.
One time when doing Latihan with Mardiyah in their living room, she started laughing and laughing. I was a little disconcerted. She said afterward that she had just received the answer to a test by Bapak that she hadn’t received at the time. The question was “How do you laugh from the inner?” In her book Bapak – Lost in the Amazon and Other Tales–Adventures with Bapak and Ibu Siti Sumari, Mardiyah describes how she was able to receive laughing from the inner in testing with Bapak, when she was traveling with Bapak and Ibu in South America.
I was happy that Mardiyah, as a regional helper, was the one to test with me about being a helper as we had no helpers at the time in our group. When asked the question, “How is your willingness to be a helper?” I had bowed down. So she asked an extra question, “How is your willingness to be Bapak’s helper?” and I bowed down even lower. She said she asked the extra question because she wondered at first if I was showing a burden, and wanted to make sure it was really a bow. Then she said, “I’m just not that subservient!”
Here is an example of her honesty and humility: One time at a helper’s meeting when I was a candidate helper along with several others, Mardiyah and Lusana Faliks had a disagreement. It was pretty subtle and we all thought it was resolved. Months later after Mardiyah had moved to Hawaii, she wrote to Lusana asking that the letter be shared with all of us. She said that Lusana was right and she wanted us to know. I was impressed with both of them in their ability to be restrained in their disagreement.
Robert and I always enjoyed Mardiyah’s sense of humor, honesty and observations. Here is a quote from her book, Life at the Cafe Bertlitz- A Memoir of Paris: — “Anything that came my way, in those days, I welcomed as a stroke of luck. I was incapable of conforming, but I wasn’t a real rebel. I haven’t decided if this attitude – acceptance of fate and working hard to make the best of it – was peculiar to me, or learned during a period in history when children still obeyed their elders because they lacked the imagination not to.”
To me, it’s an astute observation, as I’m on the cusp of the “baby boomers,” and it seemed that those older than me were different than those younger than me. Well, I’ve seen in her life that Mardiyah certainly did “make the best of it.”
Many years ago, after her kids had grown up and left home, Mardiyah told me she wondered if her job here was done and if it was okay to “kick the bucket.” So she tested and asked God if it was time, and received “no,” she still had work to do.
In the last years, whenever I called Mardiyah and asked how she was, she always said something that sounded hopeful, like “learning to walk again.” One time when I said “You sound really good,” she replied, “well, you know I’m an actress.”
Some people don’t know that Mardiyah and Rashad had a baby girl, Harlina, their last child, who died in the first few months of life. Mardiyah told me this story about what Ibu Sumari told her when she was traveling with Bapak’s party in South America: Ibu said to her, “Why are you still grieving about your daughter who died? You know that Ibu also had a daughter who died. When Ibu dies, Rochanawati will come to take Ibu to heaven. When you die, Harlina will come to take you to heaven.”
In her book, “Bapak – Lost in the Amazon,” Mardiyah writes about how Ibu Sumari again mentioned this shortly before Ibu died.
Mardiyah ‘s books, including “Bapak – Lost in the Amazon” are available on Amazon.
~~~Lydia Feltman